Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.
my life these days has just been cra-zy. like, i'm talking stressed to the point of puking (litterally in my case) kind of crazy. The good news, i got to see Jimmy Eat World and Taking Back Sunday and another really good band called The Formals or The Formats or something. i dont know, i liked them. they made me think of grand pm. i went with (alphabetically) adam, darryl, jon, katie (i think that was her name...was that her name? she was So nice and i really wish i knew her before. or at least knew her name!), mike b, and nathan m. we met up with tiff, nathan s and his sister emma. i also saw a friend from high school alex coley. she was nice. kinda funny to see her.
today i went shopping for clothes for Thailand. i spent a lot of money, but i got some really great stuff. i ended up getting 3 pairs of capris, 4 skirts, 4 t-shirts, 1 tank top to go under shirts and 2 pairs of shoes. lets just say, i spent about $20 on each article. not too shabby if i do say so myself. in fact, i'm wearing one of my outfits right now. it's cute. a green skirt and a brown shirt. i think i'm going to wear another outfit to church this weekend.
the night before last night i only slept for kinda 3 hours. i had a nap from 9-10:30pm and then woke up and did my paper from 10:30pm-4am. back to bed from 4:30-6:30 and up again for school. BRUTAL! then i found out that the paper i stayed up working on isn't actually due till monday. arggg! but i guess at least it's done. i didn't hand it in because i didn't get a chance to read over it last night and i think it's a bunch of crap so i should probably change some things.
tomorrow i am going to sleep in until 11 and then go to the bank. i work from 2-10 and then Jon, Adam and i are going to see Sin City i think. i hope i'm up for it and i dont fall asleep. oh crap, i have to pay for jon's ticket. oh crap, i'm out of money. oh wait....government cheques here i come. and i have a feeling i still have a free ticket to silvercity. awesome.
okay, so enough of this for now. too bad i dont blog more, or creapy lurkers could check me out. love you all.
it's uncomfortable to sleep on your stomach when you have a broken heart.
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Have you ever had a crush on me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When's the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? Can you tell me now?
15. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?
*Katherine deleted this question (and i agree with her!). i don't think i want to know if people would kiss me.
my days ahead
i really dont like to blog. honestly, i just don't have time. maybe i do like to blog and i just dont appreciate it because i always feel rushed. but i just can't make it what i want it to be (like most things in my life). i spread myself too thin and even important things get put on hold or at least they get done with little effort, producing a half-ass job (now, i'm not really saying that blogging is important...not at all...sorry!). i'm sorry to those who i've hurt with my inconsiderate "spreading-too-thin" it usually ends up affecting those around you. it has in my case. i've been a poor friend and a poor student.
my weeks are winding down. the end of the semester is coming closer and closer. i dont have enough time. i sometimes think about what would happen if i were diagnosed with a deadly disease or somethign where i would only have a few years if that to live. would i be doing this? would i really care that my marks are on the decline? sometimes i wish it were true. i KNOW i'd have more people at a funeral now than when/if i die later in life. i want you all to come to my funeral...even if it's in 70 years. heck, maybe i wont even have a funeral...maybe the Lord will come back first ("but not until after March Madness" -Stevie T.. Tyndale University Professor)
i have to work tomorrow...at 7. goodnight!
i feel like crying when i listen to this song.
(words and music by derek webb)
if you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
should that be all i’ll ever need
or is there more i’m looking for
and should i read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
to make me handsome, rich, and wise
is that really what you want
i am a whore i do confess
but i put you on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
i’m a prodigal with no way home
but i put you on just like a ring of gold
and i run down the aisle to you
so could you love this bastard child
though i don’t trust you to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side
i am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers less wild
that i would take a little cash
over your very flesh and blood
because money cannot buy
a husband’s jealous eye
when you have knowingly deceived his wife
The complete works of Michelle Andrea Whiting
Well, Christmas and New Years passed quickly and here i am ready to start a new semester again. This semester i have a pretty kick ass schedule. At least it's kick ass for me...Mon-Thurs 8:30-2:30....everyday i start at 8:30 (which kinda sucks, but i'm gonna try and get out to the pool at least 3X/week to swim from 6-7 and then leave for school from there...so it'll work out nicely) and everyday i end at 2:30. Monday and Wednesday i work at the Montessori School from 3:45-6 and Friday-Sunday (hopefully not every sunday...i think every other), i'll be working at Christian Horizons. As for extra ciriculars: Monday-cell at lunch and from 8-10 drama practice until mid-February when the Nacadamy Awards is on. you're all invited. Tuesday, nothing. Wednesday-cell. Thursday, nothing. Friday, nothing. Saturday, nothing (unless we do Bible Study again, which i am TOTALLY up for...huh huh? anyone else?!?). Sunday- Jon and Jeff night (for this week and next until Jeff leaves...which is really sad. but then i guess if Jon still wants to hang out, it'll be a Jon night!). As far as classes go, i have Critical Reasoning, Greek 2, Leadership 2, Key Figures in American Literature, Intro to Theology and Hermenutics. should be alright, i'm not particularily excited about the semester as a whole, but i am SO psyched about Critical Reasoning, Davis is awesome!
Today, Jon and i are hopefully going to see Life Aquatics. i CANNOT wait! I got two free tickets from the Montessori School for Christmas (which is AWESOME because i only worked there last semester like 2 hours a week ha ha ha suckers!). so, anyway, i'm so excited for that. Then i'm going down to school to help with the orientation and introduce myself to the frosh coming in this semester. I think it would be really hard to come in second semester. i dont think i'd like it. it'd be way more intimidating.
umm, i enjoyed this vacation. I feel like i didn't do what i was supposted to...which is true. i was supposed to read a book and do a book report on it...it's really late. but it turns out that i didn't read it...and i haven't done the report...so i'm just going to make it up. oh man, i'm going to hell. another thing i didn't do that i was supposted to was write out the notes that i did for when i was teaching the jr. highs at my church a long time ago. my youth pastor wont be upset, but i bet she'll get impatient. ha ha ha, oh well...another hell point docked against me. too bad. I also feel like on this vacation i did what i wanted to do but i also wanted to do more...like i got a new job and it's awesome so that's a good thing, but that also limited what i could do as well. like i wanted to go see Sean, and Ben, and watch DBD play. but that never happened because i worked so much. at least i made close to $1000 i guess. that's a bonus. i need money like white on rice. ha ha ha, that saying totally doesn't go in that sentence. oh well. i got to hang out with Jon a lot. that was nice. we had some good times. I got to hang out with other friends too (birthday parties downtown, New Years parties, more parties, dinners out, hullaballo), and meet new friends as well, like Grand PM. they are all awesome kids. much love for Uxbridge...seriously...love. ha ha ha.
anyway, i'm selfish. as i'm sure you've noticed in this post. me me me. oh well, who cares? it's MY journal right? so you can suck it up and read it.
whatever is good...
ok, now that school is over, my life is back on track. and it's going quite well if i do say so myself. The Lord always seems to work out the greatest things at just the right time doesn't he?
actually, well, no that statement is true. but i'm realizing more and more how wishy washy we're making God seem these days. kinda like Pedro, "believe in me and all your wildest dreams will come true". which, yes, can be true. however, this is also the God who has said "if you dont believe in me, i'll flood you, locust you, burn you, kill you...etc etc". or has even been known to say "believe in me...and i'll still allow the killing of your family, the destroying of your crops and the downfall of the wellness of your health" God is no wishy washy God. He's pretty ########. pretty wild. pretty awesome, in the true sense of the word. He is one to fear. We've grown in this culture and time to preach of someone who is more like a rigged slot machine than a God. If you put in your twenty five cents for the week then you'll get something in return, even if it's only your twenty five cents back. I remember reading the book The Sacred Romance and i'm going through it with my cell, and this one chapter just keeps coming up in my life and through my head. The Wildness of God. Sometimes i wonder if the people who are looking at the Christians from the outside in, see or know more about God than we do. The book says that goodness does not eqate to security or safety or niceities. God is good, He is not always safe. If we knew this about the God we serve, would we still serve Him. If we knew that it wouldn't always be a fun ride or a nice time, but that it would be good because we are with the Lord? It is good because i am with the Lord. It is good.
Lately there has been a lot going on around me and in me that does not seem nice or happy or safe or secure or all of those words that you want to put in there that are positive. But those things going on around me are good, because the Lord is in them, the Lord is around them.
well, i dont think i have much else to say. i wasn't planning on this being a really theological entry, actually i was planning on telling about my night last night, but i'm pleased with how this has come out. So i guess that's all.
i feel like i'm breaking down.
right now my whole body is shaking. i am exhausted and i feel like i wanna puke. last night i actually did. it was so wierd. i mean, i am used to getting sick, but this time it was for absolutely no reason at all. gross.
I am working on a paper right now, "Characteristics of the Thessalonian People in Regards to the Echortation and Encouragement found in 1 & 2 Thessalonians". I made the topic up myself, pretty impressive eh? This paper is worth 55% of my final mark for my 1 & 2 Thessalonians class. Due Friday. This Friday. It's 10-12 pages long. I have 2 so far, and an outline, as well as some research done with all my research books ready to go. I also have tomorrow night free....and Friday free...except for i work from 3:30-6. and i have another appointment, but i dont know when it is. frig.
why do i even bother writting in this thing? especially when i'm complaining about not having enough time to do things? or being so tired when i could be in bed? or even when all i do on "blogs" is complain at all. man, i'm a slacker...and a complainer. but i'll keep writting. and you'll keep reading....you better keep reading.
ha ha ha. i'm such a wierdo.
Hey Guys and Gals!
Guess what time it is?! Time for a party!!! and it just so happens that it's my 19th birthday soon!! So, in celebration there will be a really "dope" party happening this Sunday Nevember 28th at Newmarket Alliance Church in Newmarket. Here's the details:
*it's a potluck so PLEASE bring something for people to eat (i dont want presents, i want food for the potluck)
*it will start at about 4:30-5 and end around 10 (i know i know, but it's a school night!)
*there will be bands
*there will be fun
*you will be there
SO i think that's all. if you have any questions, call me. I will put directions at the end of this e-mail for those who dont know where it is. E-mail me or call me back if you are in a band and/or just want to play! i'd appreciate it! thanks kiddos!! see you there!! Oh, and pass this on to other people, everyone's invited.
-take the 404 north all the way to Newmarket.
-get off at the Mulock/Vivian Exit and turn left onto Mulock
-at the first lights (Leslie) turn right
-at the first lights (Gorham) turn right again
-past the first street on your right you'll see a red sign that says "Newmarket Alliance Church" and the party "all up in there"
-take Yonge to Eagle
-go east on Eagle (it turns into Gorham) past Leslie
-past the first street on your right you'll see a red sign that says "Newmarket Alliance Church" and the party "all up in there"
From anywhere else:
-e-mail me back and tell me where you're coming from and i'll e-mail you directions.
Tonight, i decided to call my friend Ben. And i'd just like to say flat out, i love him and i'm so blessed by his friendship. We talked for an hour and 15 minutes and it was great. i miss him so much.
and Ben, i want to tell you that i really appreciate you listening to me. I think it was actually probably one of the most honest and real talks i've had with anyone (let alone with myself) in a while. and i'm really excited to do Psalms devotions with you.
after our talk, i had dinner and headed out to the Gordons house. the evening ended off with me feeling like an ass and an idiot all at once and leaving early, only making things worse for my "ass and idiot" complex.
if you are on my e-mail list then you've probably recieved an e-mail about this, but i just wanted to send another reminder:
***Please pray for Mike Coles' dad. He has had cancer for 2-3 years but is not doing very well lately. It has spread through most of his body. He was sent to the hospital today after throwing up blood. Mike says he is pretty sure his dad is in good place with the Lord, which is a total praise! So just pray as you feel led. thanks.
***Please pray for the Deller family. Elise Deller was a former student at Tyndale and a friend of mine. Her sister died today in a serious car accident, as did the person in the other vehicle involved. Pray for comfort and strength and peace at this difficult time.
Thanks friends, much appreicated!
I got an 85% on this poem last semester. i found it just now, and i like it. what do you think?
By: Michelle Whiting
Let loose, I’m out, to roam this world vast,
Out of the place to which I held fast.
The fences were made of my flesh and my bone,
Crafted myself, but never my home.
Today is the day, I’m leaving this place;
Straightforward, towards tomorrow’s face.
My old house, I’m sure, will be kept quite well,
This house, from the outside, was easy to sell.
For the landlord is tricky, you see.
He tells you lies, like he told to me.
You fall for his bluff, and now the house sold.
It used to look nice, but now it’s quite cold.
I knew from the start that this place wasn’t right,
But finding else on short notice was slight.
So I bought the old house, thinking it’d conform.
I could fix it all up, and make it feel warm.
Like I said before, the fences I made,
And I planted gardens with seeds I had laid.
Corroded fruits and plants that went bad,
Were all that would grow in the garden I had.
I put out some flowers to make it feel kind,
Masking the poor soil rotting inside.
I tried to get out, and find a new space,
But the same landlord owned realty all over the place.
Finally I found a new landlord who’s true,
And He is willing to sell land to you.
With this new owner, I’ve got all I need.
My contract reads “you will be free indeed”.
under the blanket of the night sky
Well, well well. what's new in the life of this little one? quite a bit actually. school has been going fantastic. i'm really enjoying my leadership and the frosh are all great. it's really interesting to see how some of them interact. Most seem so young, i feel like i'm a camp councilor or something...but in reality, many of them are older. But i really like it. I am also leading a cell this year, which the sign ups for were this week!! and already i've exceeded the 8 people limit and i have 9!!! How exciting is THAT!? seriously, i can't even wait!!! I really love the book that i'm leading it on ("the sacred romance") i would highly recomend it to ANYONE!!!
I feel like at this point in my life, like right now, right here, my heart is being pulled in so many directions. like i have so many desires and things i just can't wait for, and things that i'm involved in, or want to be involved in more. for example, i made a list of things i'm doing this year/semester and there are 13 items!!! 13 really important things including but not limited to: student council, leading the cell at school, being in a cell from home, leading 4 weeks and a fun night at NACPAC (the jr. highs at my church), family time, friends, working (maybe?), be mentored, be a mentor to someone (something i haven't done yet, but i would LOVE to do...however, i dont think i'll have time), not to mention being a full time student!!!! woah.
anywoo, so far it's been going well, i'm pretty much just trying to keep ahead of the game or else i'll probably end up slagging behind so badly!! ha ha.
This weekend, while out under the blanket of the night sky with Jon and Nathan i saw 2 shooting stars. how amazing is the Lord? he baffles me with his majesty and beauty. The smell of something sweet, the wind through the grass, the smile of a friend, the snow covered mountains, the glistening waters...they are all so captivating.
well, i suppose that's all i have to say for now, leave a message, i'd love it!
confusion in the mind of a child
Well, i never update anymore, but i think i'm bored enough to do it now. ha ha ha.
My work period for the next little while is finished. Cora's was very good to me, but i need a little time before i start school. i may go back in October to be a server on Friday and Saturday's. We'll see how they are in need for servers, as well as how my school/work schedule works out.
So Saturday the 14th was my last day there, and i rushed up to Tobermory about a half hour after my shift for a retreat with my church, Water of Life. It took me 3 hours by myself with only a radio to keep me going to get there. Not too bad. It was a beautiful, beautiful drive, but just lonely i suppose.
It was actually really a good retreat. my mind confuses me and sometimes i get really stressed out, but, all in all, i enjoyed it for sure. There was a drama workshop. It was a lot of fun, sometimes i felt like an idiot, but, again, all in all i enjoyed it.
-eatting TONNS of junk
-swimming across the lake (and also being a mermaid at the end of a kayak, thanks to Jon!)
-hanging out with the Rock kids, like old times
-getting massages from Lianne
-picnic table memories with kirsten
-4 on the couch
-20 questions on the way home with Jon
-3 legged race
-singing along with Jay playing guitar to Weezer
-spooning with my #1 spooner (other than my future husband) Mere, and having great talks with her too!
-seeing Mike Coles get healed from his arm out of socket
-seeing Mike Coles pull kirsten's underwear up to the bottom on her shoulder blades (the first time it was funny!)
-melting till my legs hurt
-and last but not least, having great talks about the Lord, about our lives and about generally everything with all my great friends from WOL and Rock.
Lindsay Townsend, Jon Gordon and I left early from the retreat (it went from Sat-Friday but we left on Thursday night).
Then, Saturday rolled in and Katherine Froese came over at around 12. Before she showed up i had a few last minute things to do before the afternoon. For that afternoon i would be attending the wedding of good friends, namely Mike and Liz (formerly known as Pappas) Ford. It was a BLAST!!! Good times, good food, good friends, goodness all around. I got to dance the night away (i even did some slow dancing with Tom Froese, Dan West, etc). I am So happy for Mike and Liz. I think they will be good together. Weddings do however make me want a husband of my own and i am anxious to see who the Lord has in store for me! Any takers?! ha ha ha, jokes, i'm not desperate enough to put out a classified ad over the internet (but, just incase anyone wanted to know, i like long walks on the beach, sunsets and a good game of crochet now and again...e-mail me *wink*)
ANYWAY, after the wedding, Sarah Evans came over for a sleep over. We had a great time, even though we were both so tired and pretty much feel asleep right away. She is a really great girl. i'm glad i've had some time to spend with her before she goes back to school. On Saturday morning, Jeff Smith called and we went to breakfast at his girlfriends work at Glenway Country Club. Then Sarah and I took a nap at my house. i later headed out to a celebration of life service for Jerry Jeffs. so sad. He was such a wonderful man, and will be dearly missed. Sarah went to mark kazors with will and sarah luke so i came home to an empty house. I later joined them all at Marks house for an evening filled with song and laughter...and freezing cold weather. We finished the night off at my house telling stories and playing guitar while being captivated by the olympic games.
Today is Sunday. i woke up early to sing at Newmarket alliance church and found i was the only female singer this morning, leaving much pressure on my shoulders. I had a few constructive comments thrown at me, but i am thankful that i had my friend Jay to coushin my fall, and i didn't take it as hard as i could have. Blair and Julia did a wonderful job of speaking about marriage. It was very encouraging. Later, at Water of Life, my friend Amanda Mason came to check it out and i was really happy to see her. she is so cute! i hope she comes out again when we have a bigger croud. Afterwards i went to Blair and Julia's for a 1 year anniversary party for them and we watched a video they had made earlier that week ("A-P-P-L-E, ok??""use your imagination" ha ha ha too funny!). I came home exhausted. However, my friend had just come home from Kenya, and there was a party at his house. I called to appologise for not being able to make it due to my tired state and he was fine with that. BUT, clearly some of my friends were not, so they came over to get me. It was actually really really nice of them. I do miss hanging out with people from high school. they are all really nice. good people for sure. and being the popular girl that i am, i stoped by the party house for 45 minutes just to say hi.
And here i am. sitting back at my computer desk, writing out events. I'm tired, and tomorrow i'm going out for breakfast with Nicole Jeffs. I'm really excited. But i also am really tired...so i'm going to bed. If you read this intired entry, please e-mail me/comment and i'll give you a special treat next time i see you. that kind of dedication to my life deserves something! ha ha ha. love you all!
A la Ben
You bring a smile everytime you're around
it lights up my face and my heart
To give you enough could never amount
so i'll give you my love for a start
Through winter and summer, through spring and the fall
You never cease to astound
You're one special person, and boy you should know
my heart stops everytime you're around
i love you my darling, i love you, you my friend
and i could never describe
with words the expressions i feel in my heart
the things that i feel deep inside.
oh how i do love you Ben St Louis.
x's and o's
i'm back from the dead, into the land of the...not so much alive.
Do you ever feel like you're living in such a self-involved world that it kinda makes you wonder why you're still living here? It just dawned on me how much we aren't alive. We dont live our lives "to the full" as we're promised. And i dont think it's the Lord's fault. I think we, as Christians, take for granted too much of what we have. We dont rely on Him as much. We dont trust in enough of what He has in store and therefore we're not living to the full. We're MAYBE, if we're lucky, living to the half. But, friends, brothers, sisters, this is not what we're called to. We are called to live life TO THE FULL.
" I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. " -John 10:10
lets take a look at this passage in context...next time, possibly later today. I am going to start writting more in here i hope. but i need to know if people actually read it, so send me a comment if you do. thanks.
Age: 0-5 [Toddler]
When were you born?: Nov. 29, 1985
What was your first word?: i dont know
What was your favorite television show?: i liked Mr Dressup
What was your favorite movie?: i dont remember, i liked The Little Mermaid
Do you have any siblings?: Yep
If so, give their names and ages:: mark - 16
Did you have any pets?: at this age? no i dont think so
Did you have a best friend? Who?: probably Meaghan Jones, Piers Simpkin, Andrew Pastrick
Did you have a favorite relative?: grandma
What is the most memorable moment from these years?: from these years? i dont really remember anything.
Age: 6-12 [Childhood/Preteen]
What was the name of your elementary school?: Devins Drive PS
Did you get a boyfriend/girlfriend during any of these years? Who?: grade 8, are you 12 in grade 8?
What was your favorite year of elementary school? Why?: i dont know, i had my rebel years in grade 7 & 8, but they were fun i suppose
Who was your favorite teacher?: Mrs. Wilson, Mr Borg
Who was your least favorite teacher?: Mr Milligan, Mr Brooks
What was the reason for your first detention?: Passing notes too often in grade 7
Who was your best friend during these years?: in elementary school i had a new best friend every year, but the ones who were most prevelant would be: Nicole Keir, Caitlin Malone and piers probably
What was your favorite television show?: Boy Meets World
What was your favorite movie?: Princess Bride
What was your favorite song?: Ace of Base-i saw the sign
What is the most memorable moment from these years?: umm, being sick, friends, going out for lunch
Age: 13-16 [Teenager]
What high school did/are you go(ing) to?: Aurora High
Who was/are your best friend(s)?: from school? Lisa, Laura, Cait, Miriam, Christy, Rachel, Kerry
What was your favorite class?: Mrs. Prsa's math class
Who was/is your favorite teacher?: Mrs Prsa
Who was/is your least favorite teacher?: i dont know
Who was/is your boyfriend/girlfriend during these years?: myself...ha ha ha
What was your most prized possession? Why?: nothing
Were you ever suspended or expelled? Why? [Naughty Naughty!]: Nope
Were you still a virgin during these years?: Yes, and I will be until the day I'm married.
What was your favorite television show?: Seinfield
What was your favorite movie?: i dont know
What was your favorite song?: Sean Desmond, ha ha ha jokes!
What is the most memorable moment from these years?: probably youth, but from school stuff, umm, girls night outs
Age: 17-18 [Young Adult]
Still going to the aformentioned high school? If not, where?: going to Tyndale
Did you get into any major fights with your parents?: nope
Did you ever make-up?: never had too?!
Who was your best friend(s)?: none
Did you have any pets?: yes, Killer my fish
What was your favorite class?: intro to philosophy with Davis
What was your least favorite class?: Human Development 1 and 2 with posterski
Who was your favorite teacher?: Davis, Wong
Who was your least favorite teacher?: i liked them all i guess
Did you graduate? What year?: not yet, should be 2007
What was your favorite television show?: still Seinfield
What was your favorite movie?: currently... I LOVED 'The Notebook' -dito!
What was your favorite song?: lots right now
What is the most memorable memory from these years?: hanging out with Tyndale kids. slurpee runs. love.
Age: 18+ [Grown-Up]
How old are you now?: 18 turning 19 in Nov
Do you miss your childhood?: in a sense, but i dont know if i would go back
Do you feel old?: no
Do you now, now that I've asked?: nope
Are you glad that this quiz is over? Why?: i dont know
hold me tonight, tonight tonight
From a journal entry i wrote in my real journal:
"And we -who are we, really? We are not pond scum, nor are we the lead in the story. We are the Beloved; our hearts are the most important thing about us and our desire is wild because it is made for a wild God. We are the Beloved, and we are addicted. We've either given out heart to other lovers and can't get out of the relationships, or we've tried our best to kill desire (often with the help of others) and live lives of safe, orderly control. Either way, we play into the hands of the one who hates us. Satan is the mortal enemy of God and therefore ours as well, who comes to offer less-wild lovers, hoping to decieve us in order to destroy our heart and thus prevent our salvation or cripple our sanctification." -The Sacred Romance, pg. 148
The Beloved. I am the beloved. Why, Lord, would you pursue me with such ferocity? With thousands of beautiful flowers each day? With endless sand on the beach and with a gorgious sunset sky? Lord, you are the ultimate romancer, and you constantly capture my heart.
isn't that a neat way to look at God? He truely is a romanctic God. i highly recomend the book "the sacred romance" to anyone. i'm not done it yet, but i love it! Possibly one of my favorite books.
Ok, lately my live has been so busy. and confusing. but all in all, it's been pretty good. I've worked a lot. I'm changing majors from a BRE (bachlor of religious education) in youth ministry to a BA Religious Studies and i very may well be living down by the school next year. It is a lot more expensive, but also a lot more convienient. we'll see how it goes. i'm pretty sure i'm going to do it. it should be SO fun!! like, i'm SO excited just thinking about it!!! I would be living with 3 of my best friends from school: Caitlyn, April and Mandy. SO fun!!!
Sarah Evans came back!!! That's so exciting!! even though i dont know her TOO TOO well, and we dont hang out TOO TOO often, i think she's TOO TOO cool. and i hope we hang out more now that she's back home.
Speaking of home, so many people are away. Many people at camp. i wish i was at camp. i wish people were home. i miss everyone. but they'll be home soon enough, and all i can do is pray that the Lord will protect them and work through them!
Gary Jules sings a song called "mad world" and it's really good. everyone should listen to it. now.
i suppose i could have more to say, but i dont feel like staying any longer on this computer. oh, speaking of computers, mine was broken for a while, so if you think i was ignoring you or blocking you, i wasn't. it was my comptuer getting fixed. love you all! e-mail me!!
well, thank you so much for all your prayers. they worked! The Lord is faithful! My grandpa had the surgery and it went really well. they found what they were looking for and he's now out of the hospital agian. Praise the Lord.
ok, i've been meaning to write in here for a while, but today i have a specific purpose that i would like to first address. Maybe later i'll write a read entry. thanks.
prayer request: please pray for my grandad (mom's dad). He's in the hospital again. Low Hemoglobin. Heart problems, so the surgeries are always very risky. He's 83 years old i think. Had a good run, i would say. He has been in the hospital before for this before and amazing, the Lord healed Him. I think that when he was healed before it was so that my grandpa would get right with the Lord before he left. He was raised as a Christian i think, but fell away very early in life. The Lord has used our family (specifically my mom probably) to reach my grandparents on that side. They have over the past few years both confessed with their mouths that Jesus is Lord. I just hope that my grnadpa's heart is in the right place. Well, friends, thank you for keeping my grandpa in your prayers. I'll keep you updated. The Lord is faithful throughout. Thank you Lord.
so the van was found. it was down in Toronto along the 401 somewhere. the ignition was broken (obviosuly) but the rest was just dandy. they didn't take the cd player or anything. ha ha. i dont know about my dice and/or flame seat though, lets hope they're still kickin. anyway, thanks for the prayers and the extra eyes.
thought of the day: if God is the only one who is "good" (Matt 19:17), then isn't saying "oh my goodness" the same as saying "oh my God"?
the sacred romance
two updates in one day, wow! it's been a while!
but i just wanted to encourage you all, because i know that the Lord has encouraged me today.
You are the beloved. You are so loved. No matter your faults, you are persued. Isn't that cool? I'm reading a book called "The Sacred Romance" by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge and it's so good. I actually was not feeling very "blessed" earlier today. I was feeling pretty junky. I went to work, then back to sleep, expecting to get up and have a good hang out day, even though i know i have to go and pick up my brother soon, so it may have been shortened or interupted but that would be okay. But then it got cancelled due to both parties just too many complications. so i was feeling "un" anything really. unworthy, unattractive, unwanted, underappreciated. actually, i think i was just upset that i couldn't hang out. do you ever do that? so i was basically wallowing in my own self-pity, typical...ha ha ha. and i was bored. nothing to do around here. no one home. no one to visit. not enough time to drive anywhere and the gas prices are sky high anyway. so, basically i was at the end of my rope. i wanted to be anywhere but here. i wanted to be out living the life. i wanted to be hanging out. i wanted to be with people. i wanted to feel happy, to get out of this silly funk i had let myself slip into. all because one plan got cancelled. man. so i decided that i wanted to read my Bible. but as per usual, i HAD to procrastinate first; watch a little TV, eat a little, pretty much anything i could before i started. but then i really got into it. i started reading my book Sacred Romance first. it was a really good chapter about how we are the beloved. this spurred me on to read a part of Song of Songs. man. it really opened my eyes. We must be worth something if the Lord of all persues us, finds us worthy. can you imagine? it blows my mind. It also brought such a pang of guilt to my heart. I had been grumpy all morning thinking about how i hadn't got to hang out with someone, when i have time and time (and time and time) again neglected the Lord, who is the ultimate friend. "not today Lord, i'm busy" "sorry Lord, i want to, but i can't" "ok, just for a while though alright?". If such a small thing could hurt me this morning, how much more do you think it hurts the heart of God for us to deny him our attention and our desire for Him day after day? It really struck home. I'm a crappy friend to the Lord. I dont give Him the time He deserves, and yet He is still so good to me. I'm so sorry Lord for all the times i've neglected you. I'm sorry for not taking time for You. I'm so sorry Lord for my poor friendship. You deserve so much more, yet you still want me, and i'm so thankful that you are gracious and give me a second (and third and fourth) chance. I love you and i DO desire to be a better friend to you Lord. Thank you for who you are. i love you.
lost and found
just to let you know because i know that most of you live in this area; my van was stolen Monday night. You know, the white one with all my stickers on the back, fuzzy dice over the mirror and, yes, my flame seat was still in there too!!! So just in case you see someone pimpin in my baby then call me...or the police. that would be great! thanks!
on the same note: why the heck would you take a CLEARLY DISTINUISHABLE '94 voyager? so stupid.
yours are the sweetest eyes i've ever seen, elton
so i guess i'll write in here again. for the sole reasoning that i have nothing else to do. actually, i do have other things to do, i retract my last statement. but i guess i feel like getting in touch with my internet self again. oh wait, i dont at all. maybe i just want to be selfish and write all about what i've been doing lately. yup, ding ding ding we have a winner!
ok, so here goes:
* school is over for this year. it was a great year, new friends and great relationships built. i learned some pretty neat stuff about myself, about the Lord, about the Bible, etc. I am on student council next year which should be pretty exciting but also very hard and time consuming.
* Bible Study is going well. i really like the people there and i feel more and more comfortable every time we meet. I hope that it is something that challenges people and that they are getting something from it. i really desire for our group to grow more in the Lord.
* work life is alright. i dont really know still what's going on. i dont think i'm going to the camp anymore, for those of you who knew about that opportunity. I didn't send in the references and $5 application charge...so they haven't called me yet. I thought that the Lord wanted me there, but i think it might have just been my own desires. I dont even really want to go there anymore. like, i mean i'd love to be at a camp...i'd LOVE it...but i want to be at home too.
* so, ha ha, Christopher Jackson Lewis and Kerri Joy Horn are coming over to my house tonight. we are going on a slurpee run *tear AJ and Nathan* and i kinda want to watch the last Friends, as silly as that may sound...but i do. i can't believe that Chris is driving all the way from Tyndale just to go get slurpee's...when there's a 7-11 around the corner from there! he must be pretty lonely!!! that's for sure! ha ha ha oh Chris Lewis, how i do love you!
* sad news on the sort of same note: Kerri is leaving for the whole summer on Sunday. i might go up and visit them this summer though, so that would be nice! i hope she has a great time! i know it'll be fun!
* another sad note: Nathan Maetzener is leaving for 10 months on the 20th. *sigh*...
so enough about me, how about you? ha ha ha, enough? there isn't just enough here, there's MORE THAN YOU"D EVER WANT TO KNOW! ha ha ha, oh michelle. over and out soldier.
so here i am, gause in mouth, teeth probably in the garbage somewhere.
yes. yes. i got my wisdom teeth out today!
it didn't really hurt, i can't feel it too much. all the gause they gave me ran out though, so my mom had some big pieces upstairs which are horrible because i can hardly swallow and they take up my whole mouth. and also, they are so disgusting! i hate it.
but i will perservere! i think i'll be ok.
on a side note, i got the position as Social Emphasis Rep for Student Council 2004-2005 at Tyndale University College. I am SO excited! it's going to be WAY bomb!!!
so, i'm gonna go, this computer does not do wonders for me at this particular moment. so...hopefully i'll be up and running soon, and i wont need to keep in contact with people over the internet! ha ha ha. love you all!